It was a little more than two years ago when I really started searching and thinking hard about why I was on this planet. Most people think that by the time you reach 36 should have that well figured out...well, I didn't.
Where It All Began
From the time I was a young fella I had a sense and desire to be a "full time" minister. That's all I ever wanted to do. Being a "businessman" never appealed to me. I come from a long line of preachers on both my Mom and Dad's side of the family. That didn't sway my thinking or decision as to why I wanted to be a preacher, but it sure didn't hurt. At 10 years old I knew that's what God had put in my heart to do and be.
The interesting thing is that my heart was also being pulled in another direction. Theater and acting! I grew up singing, dancing, acting, and playing instruments. I loved it! Being the center of attention was never a problem for me, in fact, I liked it. As I continued to get older I never thought that being an actor as a career path was something that "Christians" did. It was too worldly if you will. I accepted the line that it was not an option and headed to bible college with the thought in my head, "There is always community theater." And away I went.
Consistent Failure
After bible college and an internship at a flagship church in the midwest my wife and I accepted our first staff position at a church in Springfield, Missouri. We were the Children's Pastors. We served in that capacity for two years and felt like it was time to move on. After serving as Children's Pastors in Alabama and Oklahoma for two years year I began to wonder why I was feeling as unsuccessful as I was. Each time we accepted a position we stepped into the role with either a struggling or nonexistent ministry. We were to "put wheels on the cart" so to speak and set the thing in motion. Once that happened it was never our role to maintain it. Each time we sensed God moving us on. I understand why now, back then I felt as though we were failures. I felt as though I wasn't cut out for leadership and ministry like I once had so many years ago. Because of that I walked through life feeling like a failure.